you asked for it.

Another Memo to Another Ex-
Re: Semantics, Responsibility, and General Angst


Edited opening: you are a shitty, disrespectful, immature, horrible person.

For the last month now, you have been employing the word “easy” in a way that I figured was with good connotation: being with me was easy, because we were happy, and comfortable.  Alas, you dropped the bomb on the fact that this “easy” is a direct jab at my persona.  “It would be easy to just be with you” to me meant, “we were happy together, and I just am in a period right now where I can’t be with anyone.”  HOWEVER, it has been disclosed to me this morning that “easy” actually meant that you’d think I’d take you back or let you come over if you simply asked.

Please, for your sake, for my sake, for anyone that will have to deal with my emotional instability caused by you in the future, NEVER. NEVER. EVER. confuse my affection and love with “easiness”.  I am not a doormat.  I do not have “WELCOME” sprawled across my forehead.  Anything I ever did for you was because I cared about you, and not because I am easy.  Anyone I previously dated could actually vouch for the fact that I, indeed, am not easy.  This was the first relationship that came easily to me, and the first time I felt comfortable.  That doesn’t give you an excuse to wipe your feet on my face.

There was too much pressure put onto this relationship by some sort of bug in your head.  I let you do whatever you wanted, and only asked that mutuality be the key factor.  For whatever reason, that was SO PAINSTAKINGLY DIFFICULT LIKE OMG FREAK OUT ABOUT IT.  There was nothing to freak about.  We cared about each other, and we enjoyed each other’s company.  That is a lot more than most can find in a relationship.

So maybe because it was so easy and comfortable, you confused it for being not worth it, because it wasn’t a huge challenge.  Who cares?  Screw you.  Seriously.  I am not your idiot ex, with an IQ equivalent to my roommate’s shoe size — you cannot belittle, demean, or treat me like I am any less than you.  And speaking of my roommate, STOP TALKING TO HIM.  Let me reiterate: STOP TALKING TO HIM.  And stop sneaking around like a shady, immature little bitch.  If you can’t engage (as in, initiate or sustain) normal conversation with me outside of being drunk, then all rights to my friends and my life are revoked.  You broke up with me, ergo, you broke up with my ties.  Was this common courtesy not listed in your WASP handbook?

I never asked you to tell me that you missed me the other night.  I never asked you to tell me that you wanted to be with me that night.  I doubt your friend, with whom you were discussing that, went home and told her ex that she wanted to be with him, so why would you do that to me?  Because you are immature and arrogant and want attention, and deep down, maybe, somehow, still have feelings for me, but that won’t cut it. 

Edited center: This will never work.  You are too fucking selfish.  And I guess that sucks for me, especially since I was completely and utterly selfless with you.  I gave up so much of who I was (albeit willingly), but none the less, changed for you.

 I went through Hell because of you.  And your immature ways have repeatedly, over and over and over again, have disrespected me as a person.  It is both unfair and a direct light shining on you.  This was never a choice, never an option.  You deserve whatever comes to you.  

Finally, we come to our most problematic phrase, the colloquialism “never.” Here I must admit that the language employed in this offer was more hyperbole than serious offering. In amendment, allow me to lay out a few exceptions, in where this would actually work. Please also note that this list is just a foundation and is subject to change if anything sounds better:

  • You show up on my door step with a dozen lavender roses and a grand-gesture of an apology.
  •  You, for once, take responsibility for your words in cohesion with your actions and have them make sense, together, at the same time.  Acknowledge said issue.  
  • FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SEE A FUCKING THERAPIST.
  • Compose a sonata called, “Sara” and play it on your flute in Sheep’s Meadow in Central Park.  Roses from option 1 can be used in conjunction.

 

Edited end:

Fuck off,
Sara

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8 Responses

  1. This girl (or perhaps better said) this relationship is clearly toxic at this point. It is a shame, it is unfortunate, but it is also clear that it would be best for all involved for it to be OVER. Toxic is toxic – dump it.

  2. I always liked reading about your drama, but I’d never wish to live it.

  3. Cheers to the statement, “You broke up with me, ergo, you broke up with my ties.”

  4. Stupid nor Moron is not written on your forehead either!! I did not raise a doormat , nor an idiot. You are more of a good natured sole when you are in an awful way, than she was when she was elated , if that was ever a feeling that she was capable of feeling or expressing. Cold hearted is coldhearted, drunk, sober or on a hayride!!! Move on, as you are trying to do. Time heals all, and I know that is a cliche, but a truism. You are so much more of a human being than she will ever have hopes of being in her ever little scope of a meaningless, numb, pathalogical world, my dear

  5. and the boundary wears a little thinner between tional_sara and sosarasaid ;) if it exists at all anymore…

    i agree with jo above – toxic is toxic. you can’t change what’s happened or what other people do, but you can change how you decide to react and feel about it. you have the power to control your own life; don’t give other people that control, especially not toxic people.

  6. kudo’s Dru. Said very well.

  7. I agree with Jo. Toxic is toxic. And your momma didn’t raise no fool! You deserve even better than lavender roses. This is not healthy. It’s time for her to move on and leave you alone forever!

  8. Your roommate must have ridiculously big feet…

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