Lyric Deconstruction


All over “Oh No They Didn’t!” I see people bitching about Katy Perry and her lyrics and how she is exploiting kissing girls and is just an attention whore and how she is simply Capital’s new cash-cow.  Maybe that is all true.  BUT, I have been seriously wanting to point out to everyone a few integral parts of her songs that would indicate the opposite of said accusations.  I will do this with “I Kissed a Girl” and “Thinking of You.”  (I did this previously, but without the extended essay version.)

The first song talks about kissing a girl at a club.  Drunkenly.  Hoping her boyfriend doesn’t mind.  Okay, that’s fine and all – but this girl is wearing cherry chap stick.  NOT LIP GLOSS.  So this would lead one to think that perhaps this girl isn’t the typical attention whoring drunk slut, as well.  This girl may be a lesbian.  A chap stick lesbian, if you will.  Or maybe just some other ho with chapped lips, who knows?  (I do.  The song was about me, but whatever.)

The second song is “Thinking of You”.  The lyrics are so sapphic that you need a dental dam by the time you’re done.  NOT ONCE in the song does she use a pronoun to indicate that she is talking about another man.  And if you listen to this song right after “I Kissed a Girl”, you are already in the mindset.  It just makes sense.  And what man would be an Indian Summer in the middle of Winter?  A hard candy with a surprise center?  BITCH, PLEASE.  Katy is clearly singing about the girl she kissed.  The one with the cherry chap stick.  

So, again, ONTD readers, back off.  Katy Perry isn’t exploiting anyone but me in these songs, and I don’t mind entirely…

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367 Responses

  1. Sit the fuck down.

  2. with all due respect, is a song like this really worth getting all fussed over? lol
    idc what it’s about, a bad song’s a bad song.

  3. Calm down. I think you’re putting more thought into your analysis of the song than Katy Perry made putting into the actual making of the song.

    That said, the song still sucks and Katy Perry is still an attention whore.

  4. dumbass, you act like Katy Perry writes her own music. Shes a manufactored pop-tart along the lines of Hilary Duff.

  5. WTF?
    shut the fuck up bitch

  6. lol good job at name dropping ontd so that people will actually give you attention.

    too bad nobody gives a fuck.

  7. right on.

  8. Your blog sucks and you’re a liar. Katy said the song wasn’t about anyone. It wasn’t real events. But keep telling yourself. You probably just got felt up by some scene queen and can’t tell the difference.

    ONTD fuckin rules, bitch. Betta recognize!

  9. You are unapprised and devoid of wit—this site is pitiable.

  10. Katy Perry sucks. And always will. Sorry, it’s JUST A FACT!

    Love,
    ONTD.

  11. we will destroy you

  12. LOL @ This shit.

  13. Go suck on Flava Flav’s tootsie roll of a dick!

  14. Enjoy the most traffic your blog will ever see. It won’t get this much again!

  15. K, that’s cool. It’s just you who is the attention whore, then. :D

  16. lol. you obz don’t know who you’re talking about.
    you should just bow to ONTD right now for all of this traffic on this “blog”.

  17. SOD OFF YOU MISERABLE COW

  18. PUTA

  19. You don’t really want to mess with ONTD, little girl. Go back to worshipping Katy and her awful singing.

  20. Pffft. Fuck that. Ontd FTW. ;)

  21. Bitch Puh-Leeze

  22. This is just a suggestion…how about you try to get a life rather than to dissect the lyrics of a one-hit wonder? They’re about as deep as a kiddie pool to begin with…you’re patheticccc. Good luck trying to channel Perez.

  23. wah wah wah

    ontd > you

  24. After I had my fill, I realized that Bella had passed out, from the pain or the blood, I truly couldn’t tell the difference.

    “OH SWEET MERLIN’S CELLPHONE, WHAT HAVE I DONE?”

    Bella’s vagina was destroyed, her uterus was centimeters away from falling out.

    “Oh my my sweet sweet refuse heap,” I cried as I shoved her organs haphazardly back into her body.

    “Your vagina will never be normal, I’ve destroyed your sweet succulent pleasure button.”

    “Edwaaaaaaard,” she let out in a low moan.
    Peasure Button“Oh Bella!” I yelled in happiness. I pressed my ear against her chest to hear her heart flutter, “Your alive.”

    “Edwwwaaard, I can’t feel anything from my waist down,” she said sloppily.

    “Bella forgive me, your dead blood and your vaginal juices got me carried away.”

    “I love you Edwaaaaarrd,” she moaned, “pleeaasseee fuuuuhhhiiixxxx meeeee.”

    “Oh yes Bella, I will reconstruct your vagina. Granted it’ll look like a botched trans gender surgery, but I swear, I’ll make you as good as new.”

    “Caaaaaan’t youuu jussst turrrrn meeee inttooooo a vaaaampirre?” she asked.

    “Oh Bella, I see what tricks your trying to pull, I told you, I will not and cannot turn you into a vampire.”

    “But, I’ll die otherrrwiiise,” she said.

    “Silence my juicy brisket,” I said, punching her in the mouth to make sure she didn’t say another word.

    I ran into the kitchen and from the refrigerator grabbed a pack of raw bacon, then I looked in my room for duct tape. I reconstructed her vagina with the duct tape and a empty paper towel roll. Then I duct taped bacon on top if it to reconstruct her succulent coral red vaginal lips.

    “Oh Bella,” I said. “You smell better than ever.” I sniffed her until I couldn’t smell the raw bacon any longer.

    Suddenly there was a loud crash, Jacob Black was in wolf form and in my room. “Get back you beast!” I yelled.

    He did a nose dive for Bella’s bacon lips and devoured my masterpiece.

    “NOOOOOO!” I yelled in defeat. My cries of anguish filled the room, but were masked by Jacob’s snarls and bites.

  25. LMAO bitch you got OWNED!

  26. you know what.. you’re right. you’ve busted wide open the mystery of katy perry and gayness. everyone can go home now.

    now explain to me why this bitch is famous?

  27. BITCH SHUT UP

    IJAF

  28. So where is all the watermelon?

  29. Shit son, hold me back i’m about to POP OFF!

  30. NEVER GONNA GIVE U UPPPPPPPPPPPP

    EXCEPT I TOTALLY WOULD BECAUSE YOU’RE A DUMB BITCH. SRY SARA.

    XOXO
    RICK ASTLEY

  31. omg ilu rich chronin!!!!!

  32. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this whore!

  33. YOU’RE A VIRGIN WHO CAN’T DRIVE.

  34. PUTA

  35. With paper towels you’re throwing your money away!

  36. Sweet puss, my pimple’s talking!

  37. IM NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP

  38. I’m the professor, bitch.

  39. fuck

  40. i hate when people tp houses. its really a waste of toilet paper. and as somEone with bad diarreah from time to time, it really sucks when someone buys up all the tp just to throw around someones trees.

  41. I love ONTD!!!

  42. Pretty sneaky sis!

  43. I’m super absorbent when it comes terror sweat, tears, and piss (be it from fright or incontinence).

  44. ONTD FTW!!!

  45. I LOVE YOU ALL.

  46. also bzzzzzzzzt

  47. Sometimes it seems like we’re all living in some kind of prison, and the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It’s good to get really dressed up once in a while, and admit the truth — that when you really look closely, people are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually beautiful. Possibly even me.

    But not Sara.

  48. i’ve only got 4 minutes.

  49. I just wanna play my music!

  50. donde esta sonic mi chula

  51. That shit you just pulled is bullshit.

  52. I don’t know, I sell myself.

  53. I HAVE A DREAMSICLE

    AND I HOEP U DIE

  54. Is my make-up too dark?

  55. Bitch How you escaped to America so fast?

  56. ONTD is my bff&e!!!

  57. You tell her, Tyra.

  58. Can you return Veggie Tales: The Ballad of Little Joe, please?

  59. o_o

    *Creep, creep

  60. NOW SOMEONE SAY HOW THIS BEGAN

  61. get under me

  62. GOD MY VAGINA IS SO LOOSE

  63. I want these mother fucking snakes off this mother fucking plane.

  64. GADADADADA GASOLINA

    ASDFHAUIDF QUE QUE QUE CASA QUE QUE

    Do you know what i’m saying puta?

  65. Nice room.

  66. here is a weed wacker for your hairy crotch, sara.

  67. as if you could outrun us
    as if you could fight us off

  68. Me >>>>>>>>>>>> Sara

  69. You cannot stop me!!!! OH YEAH!

  70. You roll up the sweater, look, I dry the sweater.

    Fucking buy me already!

  71. Crazy little Party girl! How I love her! Trying to lock the post …we just want to have fun

  72. Sometimes I feel like a nut.

    Sometimes I don’t.

    Mmmmm Almond Joy.

  73. How did I get these arms? Where did they come from? So….much…muscle. I don’t understand!

  74. whats my mothin’ fckin’ name?

  75. Dr. Lipshitz does not approve of this, Sara.

  76. i wear my sunglasses at night

  77. Aaron Carter,

    You just beat Shaq!

  78. At the end of the day
    She’s the one who began it!
    There’s a kid that she’s hiding
    In some little town
    There’s a man she has to pay
    You can guess how she picks up the extra
    You can bet she’s earning her keep
    Sleeping around
    And the boss wouldn’t like it!

  79. john mccain is a great person

  80. If you turn a “Mounds” bar upside down, it says “Spunow!”

  81. HAVE YOU CALLED JENNY?

  82. The 7 things I hate about you.

    1. your fat
    2. you think ur hot
    3. you smell like old mayo
    4. you look like a vagina with a tan
    5. you post about dumb shit
    6. your mad
    7. ontd is owning your bullshit of a blog

  83. it’s not unusual to be loved by anyone

  84. Dis is how I roll!

  85. im going to copy this comment to ontd

  86. Excuse me…

  87. IM CALLING THE COPS ON U FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT TOMORROW STOP TOUCHING ME OR IM GONNA KICK YOU ACROSS THE COUNTRY WITH MY HOOVES BITCH

  88. Oops…I did it again!

  89. Do want to do in my butt, in my butt?

  90. It happens everytime!

  91. We’re gonna do this in real time. Pour the cola on the carpet.

    POUR THE COLA ON THE CARPET!

    Good, now pound me into you carpet… oh yeah pound. me. right. in. there.

    I’ll be saying wow every time.

  92. PUT UR SNEAKERZ ON

  93. I played with your heart

  94. AND IF I DIE TONIGHT, AT LEAST I CAN SAY THAT I DID WHAT I WANTED TO DO

    TELL ME, HOW ‘BOUT YOU

  95. NO RESPECT.

  96. You’re all I ever wanted. You’re all I ever needed.

    Tell me what to do now cause I want you…DEAD!

  97. gettin jiggy wit it, nanananana

  98. Sara, this isn’t Burger King, you can’t have it your way!

  99. Got lost in the game

  100. You look like a ho from a ranch in Nevada!!!!!!! If you wanna fight you know I gotta, lotta shit to say, so you best step off it.

  101. I see you.

    Lookin’ at me.

  102. i’m really into latinos

  103. YOU CAN BET ON IT BET ON IT BET ON IT BET ON IT

  104. HI I M TELLING MOM THAt you touchd me !! YOU TOUCHD ME!! I FELT IT!! ALL BECAUSE I WOULDNT LET YOU HAVE MY FIRETRUCK!! MY PEE PEE IS FOR ME ONLY!! SARA I TRUST YOU!! MEAN!! I HATE YOU!!

  105. back to the other one!

  106. STOP TOUCHING MY UDDERS

  107. WE DON’T NEED SLEEP.

  108. I’M COMING!

  109. Sara is a Cucking Cunt.

  110. At the end of the day
    She’ll be nothing but trouble
    And there’s trouble for all
    When there’s trouble for one!
    While we’re earning our daily bread
    She’s the one with her hands in the butter
    You must send the slut away
    Or we’re all gonna end in the gutter
    And it’s us who’ll have to pay
    At the end of the day!

  111. Can you say OK on making a post about my nudes?

  112. does anybody need like a personal assistant or something i really dont want to apply to work at ihop but im running out of money

  113. gimme gimme
    moar
    gimme
    moar
    gimme gimme
    moar!

  114. This is your last warning. Do not edit the vaginal discharge page any further, on pain of being a whore.

  115. SRY BUT I HAVE TO SMASH YOU AT THE BOX OFFICE

  116. You plus me, it doesn’t equal us
    You took my car now I gotta take the bus
    I thought I had a girl that I could trust
    I GUESS I NEVER KNEW MY CALCULUS!

  117. I CAT STAPPPPPT DROOOLINGGGGGG

  118. stop using my name!

  119. BITCH, You’s be confusings us with these here comment lock downs.

  120. I kissed Katy Perry and all I got was herpes.

  121. WERE TAKING OVERR!

  122. sleep is for the weak

  123. this is the most hits your blog has ever gotten…….and the most hits your blog will ever get.

    jsyk idkwtfbbqidctbqhbrbbblttyl

  124. lets date.

  125. WERE TAKINNN OVERR!

    ONE POST AT A TIME!!11!

  126. sara’s face is too gross even for us

  127. FUCK YO COUCH, NIGGA

  128. gurl u ain’t the only one with a bb
    that’s no excuse to be livin all ~crazy~

  129. WHATEVER. I WAS HERE FIRST

  130. BITCH, You’s be confusings us with these here comment lock downs.

  131. She DOES NOT look like me.

  132. WHUT you’re repeating yourself ONTD.

  133. CHARLIE MURPHYYYY

  134. Youre all I ever wanted…You’re all I ever needed

    Now, Ima tell you waht I’m bout to do now.

    CAUSE

    I

    WANT

    YOU

    DEAD!

  135. I’m Henry the 8th, I am
    Henry the 8th, I am, I am
    I got married to the widow next door
    She’s been married seven times before
    And every one was an Henry
    She wouldn’t top a Willie nor a Sam
    I’m her eight old man, I’m Henry
    Henry the 8th I am, I am
    Henry the 8th I am

  136. Five bad boys with the power to rock you
    Blowing your mind so you gotta get into
    Five, whatcha waiting four if you wanna
    Three (three)
    Two (two)
    One let’s do it

    Do you wanna get freaky
    when the five of us make one
    You gotta push the good vibe on
    If you really wanna feel it
    Got da flava in my song
    But I really need to know

    Do you wanna get down
    Do you wanna get funky
    Do you wanna get down
    Get on down

    [Chorus:]
    Slam dunk da funk, put it up
    (If you got that feeling)
    Slam dunk da funk, put it up
    (If you got that feeling)
    Slam dunk da funk, put it up
    (If you got that feeling)
    Slam dunk da funk
    (put it up)

    You gotta shoot, pass, slam baby time to set it off
    I’ll be up, up away, above the rim and hook a shot
    Ally oop, baby, whoop, there it is and now I gotcha
    Three seconds left, it’s just enuff for me to rock ya
    Now check it, how I flip it rock a beat ’cause
    I get with it and everybody wants to be the man
    with a hey, yippee yo yippee four quarter slam
    everybody grab a party and just get on down

    Do you wanna get down
    Do you wanna get funky
    Do you wanna get down
    Get on down

    [Chorus:]
    Slam dunk da funk, put it up
    (If you got that feeling)
    Slam dunk da funk, put it up
    (If you got that feeling)
    Slam dunk da funk, put it up
    (If you got that feeling)
    Slam dunk da funk
    (put it up)

    You wanna know what hits you like a fork lift truck
    We got J, AB, Rich, Sean and Scott rocking the extra
    Curricular ladies love particular fella
    Who knock da meter get the boom shake regular
    Five bad boys, honey no, we don’t quit til we hit
    The rebound sound with a kick
    So come on everybody, everybody in tune
    As I boomshake n’ rock a body
    Gimme room

    Clap your hands
    Stamp your feet
    Push it in, pull it out to the beat

    [Chorus:]
    Slam dunk da funk, put it up
    (If you got that feeling)
    Slam dunk da funk, put it up
    (If you got that feeling)
    Slam dunk da funk, put it up
    (If you got that feeling)
    Slam dunk da funk
    (put it up)

  137. sara we need to talk. we appreciate living in your crotch for so many generations, you have been wonderful to us. but we think its time to move on. were so sorry.

  138. And the LORD will come down upon your free land, and He will look upon you with SCORN for these crimes which you have committed!

  139. i am a heron. i have a long neck i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans

  140. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL

  141. We haven’t done bukkake in a while. Aren’t you tired of vagina?

  142. im coming wit my umbrella, ella ella!

  143. whats really hood sara?

  144. STOP THE INSANITY!!!!

  145. …To all of the people who visit Sara’s site and leave her nasty comments about how much of a “bitchy dumb bitch virgin dumbass bitch” she is, I’d like to say a few things…

    First! Sara is brilliant. Not only is she brilliant, she’s fucking hilarious. If you didn’t read this post (or any of her other posts) and think it was funny, you’re a moron. I only wish i could say it to your face.

    Next!- By leaving sad, hate filled messages, you just make it OH so clear that you’re jealous, and you wanna hit it. WELL YA CAN’T!!! It turns out, Sara is only interested in people with half a brain. You’re clearly disqualified, and have been for quite some time…

    Finally, if you’re going to insult someone like Sara, PLEASE, hurl insults that take some intellectual muscle to land. Its really sad watching you struggle to come up with piddly, wanna be insults.

    You people are pathetic. You’ll never be as witty, charming, beautiful, creative, or funny as Sara. Learn something.

    ~M.

  146. I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me … but I can’t help it that I’m so popular.

  147. *cums on Marcus’s face*

    Sorry, baby. What was that?

  148. I was born a poor black child!

  149. My mother is a fish.

  150. I don’t go to Narnia.

  151. Marcus likes getting diddled by Billy Blanks.

  152. take off your shoes and suck me sexayy.

  153. It was raining… you had an umbrella… I grabbed it, stuffed it down your throat, and then I opened it. Sara, I Mary Poppinsed ya.

  154. YO THUNDA THIGHS HAVE GOT ME HYNOTIZED
    I SAID YO THUNDA THIGHS HAVE GOT ME HYPOTIZED

  155. GET THE FUCK OFF MY STAGE. YOU DON’T GET TO SIT ON MY STAGE YOU SCUM. I BET ALL THE BELLYRUBBERS OUT THERE ARE FEELING SORRY FOR YOU RIGHT NOW

  156. Haikus are easy
    But sometimes they don’t make sense
    Refrigerator

  157. Haikus are easy
    But sometimes they don’t make sense
    Refrigerator

  158. When are you coming back home sister?

  159. marcus i am sry wut can i do 2 make u forgive me for my wrong doingz? i hope it’ not kissing kt pery bcuz that’s rude……..

  160. Ten bucks that Marcus is actually Sara, LOL.

  161. my vagina hurts

  162. Im sorry! you seem interesting whats the link to your blog!

  163. I DON’T HATE YOU BCUZ YOU’RE FAT. YOU’RE FAT BCUZ I HATE YOU.

  164. DON’T TURN AROUND, OH-A-OH!

  165. plz use me , everybody thinks so

  166. His hand drifted down to work at the buttons over the stomach. Soon fingertips explored in spiraling touches across firm stomach muscles. Hagrid traced the line of dark hairs that led from the navel downwards to treasures still hidden within the closed trousers. He wanted to do nothing less than map each inch of that pale skin with his touch. He glanced to the clock on the mantel. Twenty-nine minutes. Such desires would have to wait for another time.

    Hagrid rested his hand over the trousers’ buttoned fly. Cloth-covered flesh firmed and heated beneath the pressure of his palm. His large fingers worked with surprising dexterity to free each button, exposing what lay beneath. A spot of moistness glistened on black boxer pants, and Hagrid lazily traced a finger along the shaft still trapped beneath the silky cloth. Sliding his fingers into the boxer slit, he coaxed the shaft free.

    “Velvet-covered iron. That’s what yeh feel like, Severus.” Hagrid curled his hand around Severus’ cock. “So hard yet so smooth. An’ hot. Like iron pulled from the quenchin’ barrel.” He slowly stroked from base to crown. “Hot, livin’ iron. Tha’s what yeh feel like in my hand.”

    Slowly up, slowly down. Slowly inhale, slowly exhale. Hagrid listened to Severus’ breathing shift to mirror the tempo of his strokes. He watched the hard crease between the potions master’s brows soften. “I could enjoy touchin’ yeh like this all night.”

    “We don’t have all night,” Severus murmured. He let loose a sigh.

    “No, we don’.” Hagrid glanced at the clock. Twenty-four minutes left. “Wish we did though. Yeh deserve ter be touched fer a long, careful time.”

    “Another time.” Severus stared up at the gamekeeper with slitted eyes. “Unless it’s your intention to have me supervise detentions while aroused, frustrated, and aching.”

    Hagrid’s chuckle erupted in puffs of breath that ruffled Severus’ hair. “Nah. Hate ter think how yeh’d make the students suffer if I did.”

    “Then could you kindly–” Severus gasped as Hagrid swept his thumb over the weeping slit of his glans.

    “Better?”

    Another sweep of his thumb strangled the potions master’s response.

    Hagrid worked over the crown, stroking, rubbing. He flicked a fingertip against the sensitive ridge and underside with a rhythm to match the quickening shallow thrusts that Severus made against his hand.

    “Harder,” Severus rasped. “More.”

    Firming his grip, Hagrid let Severus thrust into the sheath of his fist while he rapidly rubbed his thumb over the ruby-bright crown.

    Mere seconds later, Severus stiffened. He shuddered.

    Hagrid quickly cupped his palm, trying to catch the pulses of semen before they sprayed over clean robes. He nearly succeeded.

  167. You all are so annoying Oh my god! Sara is the greatest thing to hit the blogosphere better than that ONTD bullshit. Okay! So you all really need to stop the immature “bull”that you’re doing because it’s not cute!

  168. Sara, I’m sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles.

    And I’m sorry for telling everyone.

    And I’m sorry for repeating it just now.

  169. EAT A SUB BITCH
    EAT A SUB BITCH
    EAT A SUB BITCH
    EAT A SUB BITCH
    EAT A SUB BITCH

  170. I’m not GAY!

  171. Karen, I can assure you that she never got the runs at Barnes and Nobles. You need to check your sources!

  172. please take me out now! !

  173. I don’t need to sit here and listen to your bullshit.

    Just because you people are idiots doesn’t mean I’ll reply to your comments.

  174. Just apply me to your forehead.

  175. I don’t have a stick up my butt. Maybe you need something thats thick in long down your throat. Yeah I know what you’re thinking

  176. And please, no Hagrid porn.

  177. marcus you are just making us want to spam more. ty!!!!

  178. Hey Marcus I can take control now. Can you all leave my site now? I’m sorry for the post? I think but you all are ignorant children who have gotten their hands on something they do not know how to use. I suggest you log off the internet. It’s 3 in the morning, do any of you have lives? Esp., when it’s the summer? Alright I’ll answer your other nonsense please stop making my phone ring off the hook-up from all these emails with the comments. Thanks

  179. It’s okay Marcus. We’ll forgive the fact you your a 40 year old virgin.

  180. WHAT WUD U DO IF UR SON WAS AT HOME
    CRYING ALL ALONE ON THE BEDROOM FLOOR
    CUZ HES HUNGRY AND THE ONLY WAY TO FEED HIM
    IS TO SLEEP WITH A MAN FO A LITTLE BIT OF MONEY!?

  181. Marcus, I want to fuck you in the butt.

    Right now. Bend over, bb.

  182. I have a flaccid penis.

  183. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PULL THE STRING AND FLUSH ME. IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTING BACON AND TUNA UP IN HERE.

  184. ONTD IS LIFE. duh.

  185. SIT ON A DICK MARCUS.

  186. chhhhhhhhhha youu know what? UHHHH-UHHH

  187. AND HIS DADDYS GONE SOMEWHERE SMOKIN ROCK NOW IN AND OUTTA LOCKDOWN I AINT GOT A JOB NOW SO FOR YOU THIS IS JUST A GOOD TIME BUT FOR ME THIS IS WHAT I CALL ~LYFE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  188. I don’t wear tampons fyi I’m manly with a 10 inch penis.

  189. Dear Marcus,

    Hey cutie. Thanks for gettin nekked with me on cam last night. Sorry I barfed when I saw your vagina.

  190. LOL, would you like to sit on mine?

  191. MERLIN’S PANTS, MARCUS! DON’T LEAVE ME WAITING.

  192. R U HOONGRY?

  193. WEEGEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  194. Its ok, ONTD. I forgive your mom for dropping you on your head.

    And Hagrid, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I’m a top. sry. ;)

    ~M.

  195. You know what! It’s not my fault you’re like, in love with me, or something!

  196. Cris Crocker, I appreciate you thinking I’m cute, but I’ve seen you on Youtube and those teeth need some work. My dad’s a dentist and he can help on those mal-nutrioned teeth of yours. Also, my mom’s a nutrionist and can help with that deathly lookng body. If you’re gay how do you sticks dick in that thing without puncturing your liver?

  197. It’s okay, bb. I’ve got more cushion for the pushin’

  198. I AM FESTERING WITH BACTERIA AND FUNGI.

  199. dear marcus,

    no you cannot be in my sex tape. stop asking

  200. Verne Troyer, Who are you? Are you the midget? I love the comedy man. But I don’t think I’m interested in your circus!

  201. Its ok, ONTD. I forgive your mom for dropping you on your head.

    And Hagrid, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I’m a top. sry. ;)

    ~M.
    Marcus – July 8, 2008 at 3:16 am

    Oh so the real one finally posts again. FYI, I’m part of ONTD and Hallyu.

  202. Your penis is too big, too big to fit in here. Your penis is too big, too big to fit in here!

  203. I’m too sexy for this blog.

  204. BRB GIVING YOU TSS.

  205. Really Marcus??? REALLY???? You’re just fueling our fire.

  206. What’s TSS is that a new form of HIV? Seth Meyers, please go back to your flop of a film. No one needs your bad energy around the IP’s thanks!

  207. Honey what did I tell you about leaving your tampon in this long? Everyone is going to realize you have a vagina if you reek of period and cat breath.

  208. o hai guyz guess wat!?
    i just entered the bank.
    TYRA BANK!

  209. MOM!! PLEASE!! DONT EMBARRESS ME IN FRONT OF THE GIRLS!!

  210. Marcus, I love you. Thanks

  211. hai who r you guyzzzz

  212. Marcus, I love you. Thanks.

  213. I LOVE ONTD

  214. You know you’ll never find Veronica’s body.

    Just TRY to pin this one on me, fuckers.
    Jughead thought he was so damn sly…

  215. this is why you don’t fuck with the big dogs.

  216. I do not love ONTD ( great stories are posted though) Sara no problem ! Just want to keep the bozo’s away :]

    Archie I collect your comic books Jughead and Cheryl are my fav.

  217. I was a white girl’s best friend on a hit show… now I do lame ass commercials…. goddamn.

  218. na na na na
    na na na na
    hey hey hey
    goodbyeeeee

  219. Cheryl was a firecrotch whore.

  220. Wallace I saw you on a Hot Pockets commercial

    Come solve mysteries with me

  221. Ain’t that the truth.

  222. No, I seriously love ONTD.

  223. I want to feel ONTD up ninth grade ~style~
    IT’S JUST A FACT!

  224. DUH, REGGIE YOU BETTER NOT BE TRYING TO DATE MY GURL MIDGE
    YOU FAGGOT

  225. Where’s the Beef?

  226. ellezz, you need to look in the dictionary and figure out how to make words that make sense and our not just words you thought of at the otp of your head. No I do not love Ontd

  227. Well, I had fun. More lulz and wank than Jpop/Kpop. Thanks for the funniez.

  228. Sorry about that Archie and the Gang!

  229. you said ‘our’ instead of ‘are’. FAIL.

  230. Marcus, stop denying your undying love of ONTD, please.

  231. i luv ontd so much, im gasming now

  232. That tiny of mistake doesn’t compare to the big ass mistake you chose in naming yourself. No, I hate ONTD. Shouldn’t you Katy?

  233. No, I love ONTD.

  234. i aint going anywhere y’all

  235. lol, ty for judging my name but elspeth is a real name. i am sorry that your parents do not have a creative gene in their body and named you the most generic name ever.

    and, seriously? my 3 year old sister knows when you use our and are. you still fail. epic fail, even. congrats <3

  236. Marcus, go to bed, its alright. You’re a great guy for helping out though. =)

  237. Fire in the disco!
    Fire in the taco bellll.
    Fire in the disco!
    FIRE IN THE GATES OF HELLLL.

  238. Sara, are you sure? There’s alot of them and I want to make sure they don’t do anything silly.

  239. … ok, I really do love ONTD.

  240. My virginity is gone. Taken long time ago. Sorry about that weird girl!

  241. Don’t leave me Marcus

  242. I need you.

  243. YOU CANT KEEP A BLACK CLOWN DOWN

  244. To take a poo

  245. I’m just hurr to get silly…

  246. Up the wazoo

  247. I’m losing my hair
    and my vision is shady.
    Last night I dreamt
    of an overweight ladayyy.

  248. WHAT

  249. I know my calculus

  250. I’ve never been good at history
    and I don’t give a CRAP about Robert E. Lee!

  251. Disney wants me to happen but my butt chin is too big

  252. It’s okay bb I’d still hit it

    Let me keep my ring on though and don’t tell Miley

  253. Are you demi from camp rock?

  254. Nick do me in my butt chin do me harder ooh hohohohohohhohohohohooooooooooooooooooo

  255. Yes Marcus cum join in the butt chin action ;) Miley will be so jealous heehehehehehehehehe ;)

  256. Alright posters! Ease up on the lying. Let’s head to bed now.

  257. Demi’s mouth opened slightly as she gazed at Nick’s cock violating her butt chin. She then winks slyly at Marcus, wiggling a finger at him to “cum” over. Yes, you, sweetie, she murmurs, positioning herself so he can feel her soon-to-not-be-virgin holes. Do me Marcus…take me…

  258. SOS

  259. I’M BURNIN’ UP 4 U DEMI’S BUTT CHIN

  260. I’m confused? Are you offering me sex? Am I cybering?

  261. I wish you had a penis, Sara, I’d stand up for you a little more. Literally and figuratively

  262. Cybering? Oh, no Marcus. This is real. Very real. Be one with the folds of my face. Once you go butt chin you never go back.

  263. Marcus you have such great fathering skills. Ushering everyone to bed.

  264. Nick, I’ll lick lick lick lick your lollipop 0:)

  265. baby i dont understand just why we cant be lovas

  266. She’s the village bicycle! Everybody’s had a ride.

  267. HEY ! Who ever is posing me needs to stop that right NOW! You are violating an act part of the internet laws by posing as someone that you’re not! You don’t want me to record your IP and report it do you?…DO YOU? DO YOU?! Okay, so stop posing and be corporative with the other fellow commenters! Gosh, there’s always those few who like to spoil the fun! ALWAYS!

  268. Where’s the coke at?

  269. Demi Lovoto, Austin , and Nsync please make this a clean discussion so everyone who views the site can be entertained! Thanks!

  270. taco flavored kisses honey

  271. They tried to make me go to rehab, I said NO NO NO!

  272. LOL at you wanting some sleep. Guess what bb? Its not 4am everywhere in the world. Where I am, its 5pm. GUESS WHAT IM DOING ALL NIGHT!!!

  273. CONGRATULATIONS! You have been selected into the MARCUS FAN CLUB! Use your e-police skills in somebody’s random blog to keep everybody in check! After all, they are only children rolling around in fields after hours.
    Have sexy fun time! Love you lots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  274. I just think, like, he hates me.

  275. Chill the fuck out Marcus.

  276. ok ok sry bb. lets make up =]

  277. amy, please come back.

  278. Judo chop!

  279. I DONT EVER WANNA DRINK AGAIN.
    I just need a ~friend~

  280. I like them french fried potaterzzzz MMMMHMMM

  281. open yo mouf !

  282. Samuel I am calm. Not Marcus Thanks. Amy please get to the nearest rehab (I crack myself up!)

  283. hay guys i want to be a stripper any tips on wat i should do
    p.s. im a herm

  284. ONTD blinded me with science!

  285. Rex Hunt, what are you doing? Playing with little Rex? Very funny about the fan club! Thanks! I’m serious about the e-police I dont know why you all do not follow the internet laws.

  286. Wat in the bloody ell is goin on AMY WINEHOUSE ?? KATY PERRY ?? SKANKS!

    o i shall drink a jolly ole cup of ~tea~

  287. I’m serious business.

  288. Listen, Marcus. I ain’t got the time, and if my daddy thinks I’m fine…

  289. You want to be a stripper aye? Well first of all you need a hot body one of those Miley Cyrus types and then you need to get a dancer to teach you some moves. I can ask my mother to teach you some moves of her own. If you respond back I’ll give you more details!

  290. I like the Amy poser. Nice line =]

  291. I wish I could grow those balls I am so desperately lacking.

  292. so srs

  293. Not without me you ain’t. Get back in your cage.

  294. Why don’t you have a seat over there, Marcus?

  295. ok but u c i have this thing in between my legs im scared ppl will c it when i dance,,,u kno? u want to c it first marcus?

  296. I do all my own hair and makeup!

  297. HEY GUYS BE NICE TO MARCUS
    he believes the children are the future

  298. I hope it’s Marcus.

  299. That’s right, “not marcus.” Marcus believes in us.

  300. Marcus! I too believe the children are the future! Would you like to discuss this further…?

  301. I do have balls dude! I dont understand your question Future Stripper? Do you have yeast infection or something?

  302. don’t make me grab mah phone

  303. YOU+ME=MARCUS, I KNOW MY CALCUMARKLUS

  304. marcus, u ain’t the only one with a bb
    that’s no excuse to be livin all ~crazy~

  305. Sure, I believe the more money adn education we pour into the children the better of they will be and the better off we are going to be too! You know they’ll be running the home of the free one day. ( America)

  306. I never took calcumarkus are you teaching this semester? ;]

  307. yes u could say…..idk but it is kinda long and it has this thing on the end, looks like a helmet sometimes turns purple (does yeast do this i looked it up on webmd but couldnt find anything) also i grew some double squishy things below it,,,kinda hurts if u touch them too hard,, they have these weird hairs i cant figure out how to get rid of it,,, do u think i need a yeast infection prescription…c a dr. or something…cuz its taking over my vagina im kinda scared….

  308. o hai

  309. electronic castaways

  310. I think you may need jesus! Youre infection has a helmet? WHat?

  311. but idk if jesus would approve of me..i think jesus hates me….he came into a dream one night and said…i fucking hate you…betch….so idk..jesus is not my friend
    …………..idk its weird, do u want to look at it ?

  312. Enough about you gaiz, let’s talk about me…

  313. MARCUS, U CANNOT HAVE MY #, BB

  314. im kind of a big deal

  315. Time to switch over to Kabbalah. No, I’m kidding get on those knees and ask the heavens what is there for me to do to reach the goal that I’m trying to reach! You know, and Tyra this a restricted area !

  316. I have come. Who needs me?

  317. @ tyra’s vaseline: bitch you can stfd.

  318. Jesus, bb, don’t worry, I’ve got the situation under control.

  319. Kat is that you?

  320. ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT’S FUTURESTRIPPER, MARCUS ASKED ME TO TALK TO U. GOD, CAN U HELP PLZ?

  321. Yvonne, Why you leave me hanging like that?

  322. JESUS! UR HERE!!!! GOD WAS SLACKIN. WHAT CAN U DO 4 ME/ DO U HAVE A 5 SAC?

  323. Where’s JesusZ?

  324. oh hale naw, open up mah top

  325. I’m always here for you, FUTURESTRIPPER.

  326. I was informed to come with bacon and duct-tape. Do someone’s balls need reconstructing?

  327. Kat?

  328. JESUS IS HERE TO SAVE US MARCUS DONT U WORRY
    o btw i had someone check out my “problem” he says its fine as long as i stroke it every day i’ll be ok it sure feels funny thogh

  329. your top? mmm… Jesus you made it!

  330. wanna get DIRRRRTY

  331. Christina can we fuck?

  332. are you da candyman

  333. Marcus NO!!! plz dont cheat on me with that dirrrty lipgloss wearer

  334. I’ll make your panties drop.

    FUTURE STRUPPER I NEVER CHEAT. CAUSE IM IN LVOE WITH YOU

  335. omg omg cum join the dark side….<3

  336. Hey y’all!
    Where’s the meth?

  337. I’M A FELLOW ONTDER :]

  338. i still hate britbrit for stealing muh thunder

  339. Hey y’all!
    I have to poop

  340. my lip gloss be poppin

  341. One time, when I was 18, I had to take a mad shit on stage. I wiped my ass with that snaek.

  342. Cry me a river.

  343. :(
    JT i lu, will u come back to me that biel bitch can fuck off!

  344. whatchu know about me ?

  345. i <3 jc!

  346. I told you I loved ONTD

  347. see your lips movin but i dont hear nothin

  348. i want you to start living your life as a gay woman

  349. Bye Bye
    Don’t wanna be a fool for you
    Just another player in your game for two
    You may hate me but it ain’t no lie,
    Baby, bye, bye, bye…
    Bye Bye
    Don’t really wanna make it tough,
    I just wanna tell you that I had enough.
    It might sound crazy,
    But it ain’t no lie,
    Baby, bye, bye, bye.

  350. WHATCHU KNOW ABOUT THAT (I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT)

  351. You gotta go for gold and you’ll make it baby
    Gold! And when you’re there you gotta
    Throw your hands in the air
    And wave ’em like you just don’t care
    Reachin’ teachin’ practice what you’re preachin’
    Throw your hands in the air
    And wave ’em like you just don’t care
    Movin’ provin’ everything you’re doin’

  352. hoodee hooooo

  353. Bitch stole my song!

  354. even deaf bitches say hi to me
    i tell a blind bitch that, she say “i gotta see”

  355. everytime they play this record smellin’ coochie…follow dem

  356. If you’d just realize what I just realized

  357. let me be your hero

  358. I’m bringing sexy back.

  359. if youz a fat one put your clothes back on , before you start puttin pot holes on my lawn

  360. Bitch, please.

  361. NEVER GONNA SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  362. y so pathetic?

  363. Well you do raise an interesting point… she does leave out any pronoun to know which gender she may be referring to. It’s possible that maybe this song was written for gay men, straight women, confused women, and even some confused lesbians to relate to.

    Hm. Anyone with any ideas? Thoughts? Conscience? Intelligence? Dignity? A sentence without vagina words in it?

  364. Let my people go.

  365. Why are you white?

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