Pack up and go to Europe for 6 weeks. Plan on stalking Amy Winehouse. And become cultured, eat good food, take lots of pictures, aaaand find direction/purpose. (Wish me luck!)
Face-palm yourself when you find that the sample article you wrote for that “silly animal magazine” was actually for a cover story of a magazine that was then featured on Perez Hilton’s website.
Laugh at the link “Rehabilitative Sciences” bringing you to “Marriage Counseling” on the website you are supposed to be emulating. Consider keeping the same joke, or even better — putting Amy Winehouse’s photo underneath the title, but then make it right by switching it to “Occupational Therapy.”
You get into The New School for nonfiction. And a scholarship to boot. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Make fun of rejection letters you’ve received.
Dear Sara Elizabeth Grossman,
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fondly,
Sarah Lawrence College
As your friends quickly put status messages on Facebook about “SPRING BREAK ‘08!!!”, realize that you’ve been on Spring Break ‘08 since August ‘07.
Time to start planning.
Make literary references in your away message:
“BRB. I’m baking with Sylvia Plath.”
Is Juno a… you know? Because she and Dani Campbell used to have the same haircut…
Learn that mockery is the highest form of flattery (c/o friends in Orlando?) Maybe?
While winding down towards the end of the alphabet in your course descriptions, come across “Stress Management Courses.” Take the opportunity to mention dianetics and bash Scientology. Feel really good about this.
