365 Days of Craig’s List

I’m implementing a new article that I would one day like to turn into a column or book proposal. Opinions please?

 

What do you think of when you think Craig’s List? Job listings? Used furniture for sale? Apartments? Those were the only things I would rather have associated the website with. Dating and personal ads, I thought, were better left to Dr. Phil and Match.com. Something about people having to pay to find other paying people to date just made it seem more legitimate.

However, I was proved wrong the other day. A friend of mine had just moved to Chicago. He had called me, complaining, about not knowing anyone, and decided that he wanted a date. I jokingly said, “Sure. I’ll scour the online personals for ya.” I heard an eye-roll over the phone and shortly thereafter, the conversation ended. He called me the next day, though, to tell me all about the amazing date he went on.

“Did you meet someone at a bar?” I wondered. I wondered wrong. He took my facetious advice and, of all places, used craigslist.org to find a girl to go out with. I then berated him for using the shadiest of all websites to find a date, citing the facts: 1) there is a warning about contracting HIV at the bottom of the entrance page; 2) there is no screening process for the ads; 3) people only use the personals on Craig’s List to “hook up!”

He waited until I was finished with my diatribe and then begun to tell me about the girl. She was “perfect.” She used to model. She lived in France. She is now a pastry chef in Chicago. I didn’t believe him, really. What sort of “perfect” people put personal ads on a shady hook-up website? Shouldn’t said people have an easy time meeting others? And then I thought: well, it could be something to write about. And then I thought: it’s something I should write about!

So I began my research in NYC. I wasn’t sure where to start and accidentally ended up on W4M – which, in dating shorthand, means “women for men.” There actually were only four ads posted in the last month, which means, presumably, that women seriously seeking men do not use this website. On the opposite end of that pole was M4W. I found a lot of older men. Some ready and willing to be sugar daddies. I played with the idea for a moment – I mean, the bills do need to be paid… but then moved on. I refuse to put out for monetary purposes. That’s not research, that’s prostitution.

The next ad that I clicked on was the first one I saw of someone in my age-range. It said “rock n roll boy seeks female for fun – m4w – 26.” I thought: well, I like rock n’ roll. So I clicked on it. Aaaaaaaaand exactly 2.5 seconds later, I clicked out of it because the first thing I saw was a picture of a very large penis. Thoughts: 1) do women really respond to this sort of thing? 2) What does that have to do with rock n’ roll?! A leather jacket, maybe. A guitar slung over his shoulder, perhaps. But a nude picture? Erect? No. No, no, no. Next!

Quick lesson learned: any personal ad on this website that has the little orange “pic” tag next to it = NUDES. This was an unfortunate find, because this made it truly blind dating. I kept scanning and saw another ad with the title “100 roses for you.” Next to it was the picture tag. I wanted to, but refrained clicking. “Roses,” I’m sure, was a really horrible euphemism for something else.

 

Other ads purposely ignored:

- YOU MEAN THERE ARE NO WOMEN ON LONG ISLAND IN NEED OF ORAL LOVING? – m4w – 72

- Extra Credit if you have a juicy ass! – m4w – 43

- I’m in a relationship, so are you, but you’re still reading this. – m4w – 33 (This one, I actually read because there was no picture – and his grammar was so perfect that I almost forgot he was an adulterating asshole.)

- I Would Like to Suckle Your Breasts – m4w

 

As enticing as the last one sounded, I had to move on…